Cliff Notes

It’s everything you ever dreamt of, until it’s not


It doesn’t go away. None of it does. No matter how kind or forgiving you are, the stains of the ‘bad times’ stay on like fountain pen ink on white fabric, refusing to budge. All they need is some mild reoccurrence to go full-on #ThrowbackThursday

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Am I a bad person? Was she a bad person? Do we tell each other that we’re good people to avoid the painful truth that maybe we weren’t good to each other? That we did things that were downright mean, but always with the cover of “but I meant well”. Cetanaham bhikkhave kammam vadami, but does the intent lessen the pain of the person suffering?

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You always seem to attract the destructive type.

— a very good friend I haven’t kept in touch with enough

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People rarely are what they seem on the surface, and that includes yourself. You know, it doesn’t matter how good your unit test suite is if the train tracks don’t line up and your integrations fail? It’s the same with people. No matter how much you think you know yourself, it takes deep, meaningful and prolonged interaction with another to know what you’re really like.

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Do you ever worry that they’ll never appreciate you for who you are? That you’ll never match up to the version of you in their heads? That they’ll never know the why of your quirks and your ideals, or worse, they’ll never care?

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The sad reality is that [he] has gone head first completely into this. Willingly. He doesn’t want to get out. He just wants it to conform to his liking.

We might see from here that these two aren’t compatible but the fact it until they decide to let go, we can scream blue murder but it’s not going to do anything.

[He] has not reached his breaking point. Until then all we can do is commiserate, love him when he cries, and hope this works out.

— a very good friend that I thankfully get to see every week or two

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Esto Perpetua. I only got to attend that good school for two years, but the motto will always stay with me because it spoke to my soul. Be thou forever. Don’t be afraid to be your own true self, warts and all. Life is too short to be constantly feel like you’re walking on eggshells, hiding away parts of your being, and isolating yourself from the people and activities that meant things to you. Nothing, and no one, is worth that.

Originally Posted on Medium

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